Link The Housekeeper
by French Pop
Summary: He's the "Hero Of Time", the wielder of the Master Sword, and the keeper of the Courgae Triforce. Even with all of this on his personal resume, would u trust an idiot like Link to watch ur house while u were away! Rating given for innuendo and language.
1. Geneva On The Lake!

  
  
Link The Housekeeper 

part 1

About the Story: He's saved the world, is the legendary Hero Of Time, and the keeper of the Courage-Triforce. But would you trust an idiot like him to watch your house?!

[ ] = narration

( ) = actions, side comments from the Author

{ } = thoughts

% = look for this at the end of the chapter to see what it means

Chapter 1: Geneva On The Lake We Go!

Link's Tree House (3:00 pm)

[The Hero Of Time is relaxing in his little tree house playing Uno with Navi]

Navi: Heh heh heh! Un-

Link: NO UNO!!

Navi: No uno?! What the--

Link: If I say "no uno" before you say "UNO" you hafta pick up two cards from the deck--nyah! (optional rules)

Navi: (rolls eyes and draws from the deck)

Link: Hmmm...[after a good 2 minutes of utter silence...]

Navi: HEY LISTEN!!

Link: (drops his cards in surprise) Naviiiiii! You promised not to do that anymore!! (whines)

Navi: No...I'm getting a message...(%)

Link: Ooh! Is it from The Milk Bar Latte, because they told me that they were coming out with a new drink--

Navi: SHH! It says..."Link, you have an overdue library book"

Link: (freeze) The Library?! Since when did Hyrule have a li-brare-reee?Navi: (rolls eyes) You should REALLY read the Hyrulian (%) Gossip.

Link: Oh, could you get me a subscription?

Navi: Pfft! Yeah right. Oh, and this letter came for you. (hands him a pink envelope)

Link: Hmm, a PINK letter? (sniffs it because it's obviously from a female) Ahhh...Exclamation? Cheap perfume but so great-smelling!

Navi: (hovering over his shoulder) Who's it from?

Link: I dunno, there isn't a return address on the envelope...

Navi: Well aren't you gonna open it?!

Link: Okay, okay! (opens the letter)

[bum bum BUM! Guess who it's from!]

Link: (freeze) It's the blue-haired girl! Could you read it to me Navi?

Navi: (whines) Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-eeeee?! Can't YOU read it!?

Link: You know I can't read English as well as I can read Japanese!! (%)

Navi: (snatches the letter and huffs) FINE. {Navi reading the letter}

"Dear Link,par tab I need a HUUUUUUGE favor! Come to my house around...whenever you get this letter. Lord knows you had Navi read it with your illiterate ass. par tab Anyways, there wasn't an address enclosed for a reason. Please learn this song below. If you don't have your Ocarina, or broke it or something, you can sing it.

Signed,par Mz/Chx

(P.S.)

Stop referring to me as 'The Blue-Haired Girl', I have a name dammit!"

{end letter}

Navi: And that's the end of the letter.

Link: Hmm, "huge favor" eh? SWEET! I'm gonna get some from the Blue-Haired girl!

Navi: (rolls eyes) Yah, right. Now here's the song! (hands him the paper) It's on the bottom.

Link: (whips out his ocarina) Ooookay. Now...Hmm...uh...Alright. (deep breath and plays) Dooo...Nope, that ain't it...Deeeee...Uh-uh...Doooot...Crap!

[After several hours of practicing the song he finally has it right]

Link: Okay, okay, I got it! (plays) Dooooooo....DOO...Do...DOOOOOOOOO...

[mystical pink spots of light surround him and in seconds, he VANISHES]

Mz/Chx's House (5:03 am)

[in a very nice home placed in the surburban-ish side of Ohio, an impatient blue-haired girl impatiently waits on her emerald green leather couch surrounded by luggage]

Mz/Chx: ARRGH! Where IS that id-giot?

[when a flash of neon-pink light um...FLASHES before her grenn-contacted eyes!]

Mz/Chx: (blinking and wincing from the blinding light) What the--

Link: Whew! I'm here!

Mz/Chx: Man, what TOOK you so long?!

Link: Well if that song didn't take me forever to learn!!par par Mz/Chx: You never heard that song, "Moments In Love"?! It's a 10 minute classic!

Link: Wait, how did you write a song that would enable me to warp here by playing it?

Mz/Chx: Hmm, I had a "Song Soaring Kit" installed!

Link: A What?

Mz/Chx: Uhhh...nothing!

Link: (rolls eyes) Whatever, so what's the HUUUUGE favor?

Mz/Chx: Wellllll....I'm going camping at Geneva for the weekend...annnnd...

Link: WOW! I'd be THRILLED to go camping!

Mz/Chx: (laughing hysterically) WAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHA! (wipes away tear) Whooooo!

Link: (sweatdrop) ...

Mz/Chx: Yeah right, a pansy like YOU couldn't survive in the great outdoors against Mother Nature!

Link: Mother Nature?

Mz/Chx: Or to you it'd be Din, Nayru and Farore!par par Link: Oh, pleeeeeeeeeease can I go! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!!

Mz/Chx: NO! Now stop acting like a bitch! Plus, I have a super-duper...

Link: Super-duper?

Mz/Chx: Extra-special...

Link: Extra-special (eyes widening)?

Mz/Chx: Top-secret assignment for you!

Link: Don't make me wait!!

Mz/Chx: (whispering) You're job is to...

Link: (leans in) Yah...?

Mz/Chx: Watch my house while I'm away! (BEEP! BEEP!)

Link: WHAT?! B-but-but-but...

Mz/Chx: OH! Would-dya look at that! Here's a handy little instruction manual to the proper housekeeping of my valuable home and how to easily operate the appliances of the house. (hands him the packet)

Link: B-b-b-but, but, but!

Mz/Chx: So, you're Porky Pig now? (heads for the door) Be sure to lock up before you leave, take ALL phone messages, and NO PARTIES!!

Link: But-but-but-but-but!!

Mz/Chx: (stares) Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...So long! I'll bring you back a souvinier!(%) (slams door)

Link: {great}. (sweat drop)

end chap 1

RECAP:

Ha! Poor Link left home alone. Seriously, would you REALLY trust him to watch your home? I'm sorry if it bugs some of you that I portray Link of a dumbass, but...if you don't like it, then what the HELL are you doing reading it?!

NOTES:(%) Navi: I'm getting a message... = Hmm, let's just say she doubles as an answering machine.

(%) Navi: Don't you read the Hyrulian... = Okay, this is the time to debate about the grammar of the game. See, it's very much argued that people from Hyrule are Hylians. But I prefer Hyrulians (Hyruleans, whatever) because I think Hylian is a term used to describe the more...upper-class people of Hyrule (i.e. Royalty)

(%) Link: You know I can't read it as well as I can Japanese!= After all, even though he is not of that origin, he's still a character made from the geniuses of animation and art that are the Japanese.


	2. The Microwave

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 2  
  
Last Time:  
Link meets Mz/Chx for departure for her trip. Now it's just him, his subconsious, and a huge housekeeping manual.  
  
Comments:  
Thanx people for reviewing! Maybe we can break the record for reviews!  
The most I've ever gotten for 1 story was...13.  
God, I must suck. XD  
  
Chapter 2: The Microwave  
  
Link: (holding the packet in both hands) [I'm alone.] (sighs sadly)  
  
[his thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the grumbling sounds of the bottomless pit that is his stomach.]  
  
Link: (clutching his belly) Goddesses, I'm hungry...Where's the kitchen...  
  
[after 20 minutes of looking through the house for the kitchen, he finally finds it while creating a mental map of the house. HA! What stupid person could take 20 minutes to find the kitchen in such a small home?! Link, that's who!]  
  
Link: (looking around) Hmm, there's a sink...a cabinet...this must be the kitchen!  
  
[the 17 year old realizes he still has the packet and turns to the first page]  
  
Link: (struggling to read the packet written in English0 "Dear...Link...w-wel-come to my house...I hope you will take good care of it..."  
  
[beeeeep! turn the page! hahaha. AHEM! Oh and on that page is a convieniently well-written...]  
  
Link: (turns the page) "T-T...able of contents..." OOH! How convienient! Let's see...kitchen...kitchen...HA! Kitchen! "page 17".  
  
[beeeeeeeep! turn the page!]  
  
Link: "The kitchen is the room connected to the dining room and should be easy to find unless you have taken an entire tour of the house, you dumbass." {GRRRRRRR...} "There is some food inside the refrigerator. That is the big white cabinet that is cold on the inside."  
  
[he looks around]  
  
Link: That must be it. "In the top door, I made some bento meals for you. You DO know what a bento is right?".  
  
[the happy Link tears open the freezer door and sees several disposable Japanese Lunch Boxes neatly stacked on top of one another]  
  
Link: DUDE! Bentos! (looks back at packet) "This will most likely need re-heating unless you want them ice-cube st-st-STYLE. See bottom of the page for how to use the microwave."  
  
[he does so]  
  
Link: "The m-microwave is the big black box with a screen and several buttons. Not to be confused with my tell-luh-vish-on in my room, duh." (rolls eyes) "Press the biggest button to open the door"  
  
[he finds the microwave successfuly and leans in close to the door]  
  
Link: THIS is the microwave? Hmm... (presses the "open button") OWW!  
  
[and wouldn't ya know it, it smacks him dead in the face]  
  
Link: (rubs nose) Hot-cha! I'm gonna feel that in the morning..."After getting smacked in the face by the door (stupid) place your OPEN bento container(s) into the microwave and shut the door."  
  
[he opens both compartments of the bento and puts them in the mic, not including the cover. He's not THAT dumb...]  
  
Link: "Press the number buttons in this order...2-5-0 and press START" (beep beep beep BEEEEEP. Voooooooooooooooooom).  
  
[he stares at his spinning dish in awe.]  
  
Link: DUDE! It spins!  
  
[after said 2 minutes and fifty seconds of staring...]  
  
(BEEEEEEEEEP!)  
  
Link: I guess that means it's done. (takes out his bento and drops it on the counter in haste) OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! She didn't say anything about the food burning my precious skin!  
  
[looks at the packet]  
  
Link: "Warning, your food might be very VERY hot after being microwaved. Please let it sit to cool unless you burned your hands already." GOD! I hate her!! (frowns) "There is a fork in the drawer to the left of the sink."  
  
[he goes in the drawer, grabs the fork, and chows down his meal. And the other. And the OTHER. And the OTHERS.]  
  
Link: (burrrrrrrrrrrp!) Man, I'm stuffed. Is there anything in the packet about being stuffed? (grabs packet) "Oh, and just to let you know, those meals in the freezer have to last you all week."  
  
[insert blank stare here]  
  
Link: ARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!  
  
[about 10 minutes later, Link is watching the microwave again. There's something in it, but not FOOD.]  
  
Link: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Gooooooo empty plastic cup! Melt! Melt! Melt!  
  
end chapter 2  
  
So, how was the second chapter? Being that this is his first time using the microwave, you'd think he WOULD be heating things other than food. NOT GOOD!!  
  
Hmm...this story hasn't been TOO disastrous...yet 


	3. The Vacuum

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 3  
  
Last Time:  
  
Link learns how to use the microwave! And ends up eating a week's worth of food in one meal in the process.  
  
Comments:  
  
MAN! I feel good about myself! Those reviews are rolling in like...something...that rolls in...frequently... Thank you!  
Oh, and if you don't know what a bento is, it's a Japanese lunchbox (they come in all kinds) that's filled with mostly rice, maybe an egg shaped like a cartoon-character, or funny-shaped hot-dogs. It's kinda tuff 2 explain but you can buy em' and many other goods for the 100% otaku, jbox-dot-com.  
Chapter 3: The Vacuum Link: God, not only am I stuffed, I'm bored again...(looks at the packet under "boredom") "If you are reading this page, then you must be very bored."  
[insert eye-rolling here]  
Link: No shit...(reading) "Well, I have a nice little task for you! In the hallway, there is a strange-looking thing called THE BOSS." [uh-oh]  
Link: The Boss? ALRIGHT! Time for some action! (whips out Master Sword and heads up the stairs.  
[in the hallway]  
Link: (shouting) WHERE ARE YA, BOSS?! BRING IT ON!  
[silence]  
Link: Huh? (looks at a strange-looking thing and reads the letters on it) T-thuh...Boss-ssssssss....The Boss?! THAT IS THE BOSS?! [he turns to his handy-dandy...MANUAL]  
Link: "As a matter of fact, it is! The Boss is the name of my new v-vack-yoom...VACUUM cleaner! Now clean up!" (rolls eyes and looks at "the boss") Hmm...I think Zelda had one of these doo-hickeys in her castle, now how do you turn it on?  
[after a quick search, he finds the on/off button]  
Link: Alright! (presses button. VROOOOOOOOOOOOM) AHHHHHHH!  
[he screams and flails his arm as "The Boss" devours his hat and the corner of his sleeve]  
Link: OH MY GOD! It's gonna eat me! It's a Like-Like! AHHHH!  
[the cowardly "hero" manages to duck into a corner while the vacuum still runs in place]  
Link: {Damn! How do you defeat this thing! Every boss has a weak spot}  
[do do do do do do do...do do do do DO....do doodle doodle]  
Link: (sees the cord) Ah-HA! (heh heh, a palidrome...) DIE YOU MONSTER!! (swish)  
[he takes his sword and in a dramatic swoop, he ends up cutting the cord and the vacuum powers down]  
Link: (VROOOOOOOOoooooo) Whew! That was ea--(ZAP!)ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH! (zap zap zap)  
[little did he remember, it IS an electrically powered appliance]  
Link: (on the floor, twitching) That really hurt. I think I wanna cry.  
end chap 3 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
How was that? I know my chapters are starting to get somewhat shorter, but, hey! If you look at my other stories, that's how I work!  
Seriously, Link is such an idiot.  
Hey! Does anyone own a Boss vacuum? It's small and yellow, and cleans floors too! It's actually a pretty crappy vacuum.  
Oh yeah, and "Ah-Ha" would be a palidrome...ish...phrase. A palidrome is a word that reads the same backwards and forwards! Like...mom, dad, kayak, Hannah, etc.  
Oh, and if you haven't read my other story when Link Gets It.  
You have NO idea what you're missing... 


	4. A Visit

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 4  
  
Last Time:  
  
After learning how to use the vacuum, he is now hat-less and sleeveless.  
  
Comments:  
  
I kept laughing to myself as I was reading over my work. Link, I'm sorry for making you look like an idiot on the net, but it's GOLD!  
Chapter 4: A Visit [Link is on the hallway floor panting and sweating from his battle with THE BOSS when a pink flash of light nearly blinds him]  
Link: (shielding his eyes) Ugh! What the hell.  
???: YO!  
Link: Alright! Sheik, my main man!  
[insert crappy handshake, here]  
Sheik: Dude, are you okay? You look a little worn-down. (helps him up) Man, what happened to your hair? (snicker)You look like Yugioh!  
Link: (points at the vacuum cleaner like an exhibit in the zoo, arm shaking) THAT! IT DID IT! It...growled at me...and...and it ate my hat!! (whines) Saria made that hat for me!  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) Um, sorry to hear that.  
Link: (stops whining) How'd you get here, anyway?  
Sheik: Oh, I played a song on my lyre.  
Link: Was it written on a pink piece of paper?  
Sheik: Yeah, the blue-haired babe asked you for a favor or something?  
Link: YOU can read English too?  
Sheik: Yeah, who can't?  
Link: (head down in shame) I can't.  
Sheik: (snicker) BWA-HAHAHAHA!! (sing song) Link can't read English...Link can't read English.  
Link: I can too! Just...not that good.  
Sheik: (laughing wears off) Oh...So, having fun?  
Link: (death-glares at him) Am I having fun? AM I HAVING FUN?! I got smacked in the face with a small door, ate my weeks worth of bentos, and nearly got sucked into an eternal vortex of darkness by a vacuum cleaner!  
Sheik: (sweatdrop). . . . Link: (sarcastically) I am having the best-fucking-time of my pathetic-fucking-LIFE!! (starts panting)  
Sheik: Whoa-whoa-WHOA! BENTOS?! Dude! You couldn't SAVE any?! (glares) You BASTARD!  
Link: (rolls eyes) Well excuse me, had I've known you were gonna appear in a flash, I would've saved you a gummy-sushi!  
Sheik: (sighs) Hmm, anything exciting going on here? I'm bored as hell.  
Link: (smirk) I have an idea!  
[in the kitchen. can you guess what they're doing]  
Link & Sheik: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (ping)  
Sheik: DUUUUDE! That was AWWW-WWW-SOOOOMMME! I've never heard of a dishware-melting-machine!  
Link: (scoff) The correct term is "mircowave". Duhhhh.  
Sheik: Whatever, what are we gonna put in next?  
Link: Hmm...(reaches for a pretty plastic mug) How about this "Class of 2004" mug? I bet it'll turn into all kinds of pretty colors!  
Sheik: (examines the cup) Wow, it even has her picture and signatures on the side...Go for it!  
Link: (presses buttons. Beep beep beep BEEEEEEEP! Voooooooom.  
Both: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!  
end chapter 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Believe it or not, I published chaps 3 & 4 in one day! Man, I'm good.  
Who'dve thought that Sheik would get a kick out of melted, mishapen, beverage containers?  
Man...a "class of 04" mug with signatures and a picture. I don't know who's dumber, Link and Sheik for melting such a valuable mug...Or Mz/Chx for leaving out such a valuable mug where two idiots could get a hold of it.  
Anyways, Quad-R! (read, review, recommend, repeat! Man, I'm such a corn-ball)  
Also, and that musical instrument Sheik has.  
Is a lyre (I dunno if it's lee-ray or lie-ur or lair.  
Not a harp.  
Kay? 


	5. Keep Out!

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 5  
  
Last Time:  
  
Sheik comes to Link's aid and they have fun melting cups in the microwave...idiots.  
  
Comments:  
  
Oh yeah, for Triforce90, you know what else explodes in the microwave? Eggs, and grapes (or so I've heard)! Hmmm...I've never tried to microwave a grape but I witnessed my mother trying to microwave an egg. It blew up. There was egg everywhere! It was funny...  
  
Chapter 5: Keep Out!  
  
Link: Hmmm...we've melted all the cups in the cabinets...wanna start on the glasses?  
  
Sheik: No way! That's a dumb idea!!  
  
[insert your sucking of teeth in here]  
  
Link: Well, I'm out of ideas...  
  
Sheik: Say, where'd SHE go anyways?  
  
Link: Oh, she went to face the goddesses...(thanx Linkie90!)  
  
Sheik: Ooooookaaaaay...  
  
Link: (sigh) Man, I've never been so bored this many times in one day...  
  
Sheik: (pondering) You know what? While we were in the hallway, there was this door that had a "Keep Out This Means You Link" sign.  
  
Link: Really? I had NO idea!  
  
Sheik: Of course you wouldn't. You can't read English...hahaha.  
  
Link: Shut UP! We've been through this already! Hmmm...How come you didn't say anything?  
  
Sheik: And miss out on this radioactive thriller? Yeah right, there's nothing in that room more exciting than mishapen beverage containers!  
  
[in the hallway the two are standing outside the said forbidden door]  
  
Sheik: (points to sign) See? "Keep Out This Means You Link". Maybe we shouldn't go in...  
  
Link: Pfft! And why not?  
  
Sheik: Hmmm...(tears off the sign to reveal another underneath) "Because there are things that you weren't meant to see."  
  
Link: Uh...Hel-LO! I've battled Redeads, Ganon and all sorts of worldly creatures!  
  
Sheik: (tears the sign) "Just stay out Dammit! Trust me." Well, you heard her, let's go!  
  
[he attempts to leave but Link grabs him by his bandage]  
  
Link: We are SO going in! (kicks open door and enters a dark room)  
  
Sheik: Hey, this reminds me of this song I heard...Some secret agent theme like (sings) dum dum dum dum DUM, dum dum dum DUM! Dododooooooo....dododooooooo...dodo!  
  
Link: Hey Sheik, you got a light?  
  
Sheik: (sighs and flicks on the switch) Yep, I sure do.  
  
Link: Um...thanks!  
  
Sheik: (not paying attention) OH...MY...  
  
Link: What?  
  
Sheik: Look...at...this...  
  
Link: Huh? OH MY GODDESS...  
  
[the two stare in awe at the room adorned with Anime Goods.]  
  
Link: (looking at a poster of himself on the wall) DUDE! I'm on a piece of paper!  
  
Sheik: (squeezing an SD plush of himself) DUUUUDE! I'm a toy! (squeak!)  
  
Link: Hey look! A dartboard!  
  
Sheik: Hahaha. Look at the girls on it.  
  
Link: Hmm...There's a picture of Sana Kurata, Akane Tendo, and...Zelda?!  
  
Sheik: Hahaha...she hates Zelda...hahaha...  
  
Link: Hey, look at this! (takes a sheet off a shelf) It's me again! And there's me there! And here!  
  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) Awww...how cuuuuuuute, there's a little picture of you on the toilet... (holding a photo)  
  
Link: WHAT?! (snatches the picture) That perverted fangirl! How'd she take a picture in THERE?!  
  
Sheik: Hmmm...maybe she's a master of stealth and camoflauge...Like me! (smile)  
  
Link: While all the dolls, posters and other stuff of us is pretty cool, what's in this closet?  
  
[his curiosity begs him to open it]  
  
Link: ARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH! My eyes! They burn!  
  
Sheik: What? OH MY GOD!!  
  
[on the top of the inside door, it says "Yaoi Closet"]  
  
Link: (looking at a picture, cleary drawn by someone else) Oh my Lord! Is that supposed to be me?!  
  
Sheik: (looking over his shoulder) And ME?!  
  
Link: Doing....  
  
[they both exchange blank stares]  
  
Both: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!  
  
Link: (waving picture around) Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it OFFFFFFFFFFF!  
  
Sheik: (who had a pair of chopsticks) Hold still! Hold still!  
  
Link: (anxiously) Mmmmm!!!!  
  
Sheik: (using the chopsticks like a pair of tweezers to remove the photo) Okay I got it! Now what?!  
  
Link: Throw it back in there and close the door!!  
  
Sheik: (throws the pic along with the chopsticks into the closet) Ewwww!  
  
Link: (slams closet door shut and starts panting) Huff...Huff...That...was...  
  
Sheik: (also panting) The...huff...most...frightening thing...I've ever seen...in my goddess-forsaken life...huff...huff.  
  
Link: (who had found a snack in a file cabinet) DUDE! Pocky Sticks!  
  
Sheik: Really? Oooh! Gimme! (snatches the box and eats some sticks) Mmmm...MMMM...This is practically orgasmic!  
  
Link: Let me have some!  
  
Sheik: (eating the sticks slowly) Ohhhh...God, yes! Betty Crocker ain't got nothin' on this!  
  
Link: (rolls eyes and something catches his eyes on the Pocky Box) Hey, what's that? (points to a label)  
  
Sheik: (turns box) Hmm...it says "Expires June 16, 2003".  
  
Link: (who was sneaking sticks while Sheik was reading it) Whazzat mean?  
  
Sheik: (shrugs) Beats me! Hey, check out that poster over there!  
  
Link: It says..."Top Twenty B"-something...  
  
Sheik: "Top Twenty Bishonen" eh?  
  
Link: What's a bish-shone-en?  
  
Sheik: Hmm...(quoting a dictionary) "It's a term used by the Japanese to label 'pretty boys' and is roughly translated as 'handsome youth'...." (end quote)  
  
Link: So, that means we're handsome?  
  
Sheik: No...We're DEAD SEXY! HWAH!  
  
[they bump chests]  
  
Link: Owww...maybe we should start working out more...  
  
Sheik: Says you. Hey look, there's a picture of Phillip J. Fry as the "20". Hahahaha...  
  
Link: What makes HIM a bishonen?!  
  
Sheik: (reading) "Because he's dumb, funny, cute, and sometimes heroic, I labeled him as a bishonen." That's what it says...  
  
Link: Hmm...(reading up the list) Don't know, never heard of you, nope...Ah-HA! Look, it's Tatewaki Kuno. Hahaha...  
  
Sheik: "He's cute, he's goofy and also compassionate." Hahaha. Good one.  
  
Link: Hey? Is that Akito Hayama?!  
  
Sheik: OH MY GOD! It sure is! "He's fearsome, he's strong, and sexy." (rolls eyes)  
  
Link: Okay, going up the list for people we SEE A LOT!  
  
Sheik: Well, I found me!  
  
Link: No WAY! If you're number 2, I gotta be number one.  
  
Sheik: "He's sweet, caring, mysterious, understanding, and cute." Hahaha, she thinks I'm cute. Oh look, you're number three!  
  
Link: WHAT?! How dare she put you before me! Well, what's my quote say.  
  
Sheik: Hmm..."See #20, Phillip J. Fry".  
  
Link: (rolls eyes) I SO disagree.  
  
Sheik: What's there to disagree about? You're dumb, funny, sometimes heroic...  
  
Link: Am I cute? (bats eyes like a girl)  
  
Sheik: (changing the subject) Oh look! There's number one!  
  
Link: It looks a lot like...  
  
Both: KAFEI?!  
  
Link: How in the name of all that is holy did he top US?!  
  
Sheik: (reading) "He's nice, compassionate, loving, and determined to make his loved ones happy. Plus, he's just too damn adorable. And, his hair is PURPLE!!"  
  
Link: Oh, GIMME A BREAK! He's got to be the meanest little fucker I know!  
  
Sheik: Yeah, he must've done some great acting in the game because when HE gets drunk...  
  
Link: And that purple hair is SOOOO dyed.  
  
Sheik: Yeah, like totally. {oh my God, we sound like girls...hahaha}  
  
Link: Hmmm, is he your relative or something?  
  
Sheik: (flinches) Why would you say that?  
  
Link:Well, I just noticed that he's got red eyes, just...like...YOU! Hahaha...  
  
Sheik: Yeah, right...{Note To Self: Ask mom (Impa) if we have any living relatives}  
  
Link: Well, are we done invading her privacy yet?  
  
Sheik: Nope, hold on...(jumps around like a money and smashes a few things)  
  
Link: .....?  
  
Sheik: Now we're done.  
  
Link: Good, let's leave this hellhole. (leaves and slams the door behind him)  
  
end chapter 5  
  
Hmm...kinda had to adjust to reading 2 short chaps, then a long one.  
  
I was thinking along the line that there had to be a forbidden room they couldn't go in but they did anyways. HA!  
  
Just for the record...  
  
I don't have a room filled with Anime goods.  
  
But collecting Japanese snacks might become a new hobby of mine.  
  
Pocky snacks are gooooooooooood. (wizzywig-dot-com sells a LOT)  
  
And as for the yaoi closet thing...  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOO...NO yaoi closet for me.  
  
And if you don't know what it is...  
  
ESPECIALLY if you're a guy...  
  
Don't ask. 


	6. Intermission

Intermission  
  
Hiya everyone! This is yours truly announcing that...  
  
I...  
  
Have...  
  
NOT MADE ANOTHER CHAPTER!!  
  
Oh, hoo, hoo, hoo...  
  
So sorry...  
  
I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna torture them next...I wrote down some options I was considering...  
  
It's a tie between the washing machine, the dryer, the badass neighboorhood kids, the lawn mover, the oven, the phone, the toilet or...THE MICROWAVE!! Mwuhahahahaha!  
  
Hmmm...decisions, decisions...I was thinking about the washing machine.  
  
Doo be da be do...  
  
What to say next...  
  
I hope I can stretch this story into 10 or more chapters...  
  
Thanks once again for reviewing and BREAKING THE RECORD!!! BY 10 WHOLE REVIEWS! Kanpai!! 


	7. Classy Room

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 6

**9696969696969696969696969696969696 (a crappy divider, eh?)**

Last Time:  
  
Sheik and Link invade the sanctuary that is Mz/Chx's anime-collectible room. They end up finding a...more feminine side of them selves on a piece of paper.  
  
Comments:  
  
I wrote this in the AM before leaving for work (yeah I work, I have a life!)...so this may be the shortest damned chapter...  
  
Chapter 6: Classy Room Link: GOD I am b- Sheik: (interrupting) If you say "I'm bored" again one more time, I'll slice your fucking lips off! 

Link: (covers his mouth) Okay, I'm sorry!

Sheik: Hahaha! I'm kidding you!. And I'm bored too...(sigh) Hey, what's that? (points to the "manual")

Link: Huh? Oh some crappy packet of paper the blue-haired girl gave me. She said it was a "manual to the well-keeping of her house" or some bullshit like that. 

Sheik: (snatches the packet) Lemme see.

Link: Aiyaaaa! You gave me a paper cut! (sucks on it)

Sheik: (reading the packet) Hmm...wanna do her laundry?

Link: DUDE! Panty raid?! I am SO in!

Sheik: (mumbles) Neanderthal.

[they're now outside the door with her actual room on the other side] 

Link: (opens door) Hey, gimme another light.

Sheik: (sighs and flicks on switch) Happy?

Link: Yeah yeah, now where's her dresser.

Sheik: (looks around the room like it's a musuem) Dude, this girl's got

MAD class! It's not messy or anything!

Link: Dresser? Yoo-hooooooo...Ah-ha! Dresser! (gently slides open the first drawer) Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Sheik: (rushes over) What?

Both: Duuuuuuuuuuude!

[before them in the dresser is a mountain-full of panties]

Link: (holding up a blue metallic thong) Oooooh! A butt-floss!

Sheik: (holding up a lilac pair of lacies) Here's a pair with the ass-cheeks out! Classsssss-see!

Link: Hahaha...(holding up a pair of baggy peach panties) She wears granny-underwear too. Hahaha.

Sheik: Ooh, smell this one!

Link: (snifs and exhales) Ahhhhhhh.

Sheik: Thanks to yours truly!

Link: What! Eww you wear panties Sheik?!

Sheik: NOOOO!! Remember...at the lake...heh heh heh.

Link: What...huh? Wait--oh. OHHHHHH! Alright Sheik!

Sheik: {I'll be taking these...} (stuffs them into his pocket)

Link: Hey, I feel something strange.

Sheik: (sweatdrop) Um, I wouldn't take it out if I were you.

Link: It's long...and solid.

Sheik: (closes dresser) DON'T!

Link: Owww-eee! You shut my hand in!! {man, I'm injuring my hand an awful lot today}

Sheik: (pulls in Link by his collar)

Link: Ohhh noooo...Sorry, I don't do that gay shit now.

Sheik: NO! I have to tell you something you dumbass! (whispers)

Link: (face cringing) Huh...WHAT?! Eww... THEY ACTUALLY MAKE THOSE?! That perverted...GIRL!

Sheik: (rolls eyes and reads the packet) According to the packet, the laundry is in that basket over there.

end chap 6

**9696969696969696969696969696969696**

Told you it was short!  
Oh, and how in the HELL do you spell musuem?! Did I spell it right?

This was a more...perverted chapter.  
I think I might change the rating to "R".

Oh well, you know the drill.


	8. Nosy Dumb Blondes

Link The Housekeeper  
  
part 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Nihaoooooooo! I'm back all!  
  
Yep, I was suspended the week I published my the previous chapter that HAD the shout-outs on it so I changed it.  
  
As for my other absent weeks...I was just too damn lazy to upload my stories but I miss yall! XD  
  
Well, here's my next chapter...

Chapter 8: Nosy Blondes  
  
[last time we left off, Sheik and Link had a nice little panty raid but are now doing some more snooping]  
  
Sheik: (heaving the basket towards the door) Alright, let's get to the basement!  
  
Link: Wait a minute! (points to a bulliten board full with photos) Look at this!  
  
Sheik: (drops basket and looks) Wowwwwww...  
  
Link: (pointing to a picture with Mz/Chx and a blonde boy at a amusement park) Cool! She knew Jounochi?  
  
Sheik: Knew who?  
  
Link: Uh...Jounochi, from "Yu-Gi-Oh"...DUH.  
  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) You mean Joey Wheeler {duh}?  
  
Link: NO, Jounochi. That stupid American version of him is such a bitch...  
  
Sheik: Hey! Here she is getting an autograph from Joanna Dark!  
  
Link: Fo rizzle?!  
  
[God, let's hope he doesn't EVER use that phrase again.]  
  
Sheik: Man, she's soooooooo pretty.  
  
Link: Yeah, she's like the Halle Berry of Nintendo...(drool)  
  
Sheik: Who's Halle Berry?  
  
Link: Um...nobody... (changes the subject). Time to do the laundry!  
  
[in the laundry-room part of the basement sits a small dryer and a big washing machine. Y'know the kind of washer with the window so you can watch your clothes spin around...and around...and aroun--. Okay moving on! XD]  
  
Link: (happily) DUDE! Another micro-whatchamacallit! Run upstairs and get a cup!  
  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) It's a washing machine, dumbass.  
  
Link: Shut up. Is this thing really gonna wash her clothes?  
  
Sheik: Yup.  
  
Link: Hmm, interesting. (stares)  
  
Sheik: Well, don't just stand there! Dump the clothes inside the washer! (opens washer door)  
  
Link: (sighs) FINE. (starts to shovel in the clothes with his hands)  
  
[10 minutes later, Link was still in the process of loading the washing machine]  
  
Sheik: Hay-zoos! You're still not finished?!  
  
Link: You're telling me! I never thought that someone with so many jobs would buy nothing but CLOTHES!! (struggles to pack in more clothes)  
  
Sheik: Um, okay I guess you can stop now, it's pretty full.  
  
Link: NO WAY! I'm gonna get in every last sock, cardigan sweater and lacy bloomer in ONE LOAD.  
  
Sheik: Alright but if something goes wrong...You did it! (opens the jug of "All" liquid washing detergent and pours some of the blue liquid in the little cup)  
  
Link: (snatches cup) Whew! Thanks, I was getting thirsty. (gulps down the detergent) Ahhhhh! That really hit the spot.  
  
Sheik: (laughing hysterically) BWA-HAHAHAHA-HAHAHA!!!  
  
Link: What?  
  
Sheik: You...hahaha...just drank some...hahaha...laundry soap! Hahahaha!!  
  
Link: (ulp) Oh dear...I don't feel so good...(barfs in the nearby sink)  
  
Sheik: (still laughing) Quick...drink some...hahaha! Water...(hands him a cup)  
  
Link: (chugs the water like it's his last) Ohhhh...man why must EVERY deadly liquid look like juice nowadays...  
  
Sheik: Cuz you're an idiot.  
  
Link: Ahh, up your ass with broken glass! (burrrrrrrp) Dude...I just bubble-belched.  
  
Sheik: (pours some of the jug into the washer without looking) That was TOO funny...Wait'll I tell Zellllllllllllda...Haha!  
  
Link: (burrrrrrrp!) Ha! That was a big one!  
  
Sheik: Okay, we just twist some knobs...(twists most of them)  
  
Link: HEY! I wanna twist one! (braaaaaaap!)  
  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) FINE. Just twist the one that says hot-cold-warm.  
  
Link: Okay. (twists the knob)  
  
Sheik: (pushes start button) And there we go!  
  
Link: (watches the clothes submerge in soapy water) Duuuuude!  
  
Sheik: What?  
  
Link: This is mannnnn...  
  
Sheik: (looks washer) Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!  
  
Link: Sweeeeeeeeeet, it's starting to spin! (tilts head to the side) It's like a soap opera!  
  
[about 10 minutes later, the washer ends it's rinse cycle and starts to spin more]  
  
Sheik: Man, that tube top is gonna be pissed to find out those sweatpants are having an affair with that sock!  
  
Link: Dude this SO tops the microwave!!  
  
Sheik: (wide-eyed) Nuh-uh!  
  
Link: (points finger in Sheik's face) Blasphemy!  
  
Sheik: Pfft! It does not! And get your finger out of my face. Lord knows WHO it's been (snicker)...  
  
Link: (gasps) You take that BACK!  
  
Sheik: Make me! (rasberry)  
  
Link: Hey, why is the washing machine crying?  
  
[the smarter blonde turns to see that the door of the washing machine is leaking suds and water]  
  
Sheik: Uh-oh...(hands him a Zora tunic) You might wanna put this on...  
  
Link: Whew! Thanks! (puts it on) Why?  
  
[Ploooooosh! Kaboom! The washer-door snaps off the hinge and 2 feet of the basement is flooded with suds and hot water]  
  
Sheik: Ohhhh...  
  
Link: Shit...  
  
Sheik: Dude, we are SO fucked...  
  
Link: You're telling me! These are my favorite boots and I got them all wet. Wahhhh...  
  
Sheik: (throttles Link by the collar) YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! WE JUST FLOODED HER BASEMENT AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOUR CRAPPY FOOTWEAR?!?!  
  
Link: (face in horror to see the shorter man strangling him in the air) Sheeeeeeik...I can't breeeeeeeeathe!! (whines)  
  
Sheik: (shakes head) Huh? Oh, my bad. (slams Link on the ground) Don't worry, I'm seeing a psychiatrist about that. (blushes in embarrasment) Oh dear...Mwuhahaha.  
  
Link: (adjusting the neck of his long-johns) Dude, so what do we do now?  
  
Sheik: WE?! I think YOU have to get this water out of here.  
  
Link: Who ME?!  
  
Sheik: Yes you!  
  
Link: Couldn't be, then who? Hahaha.  
  
Sheik: ARRGH! This isn't about "who took the cookies from the cookie jar"!  
  
Link: Seriously! It's YOUR FAULT!  
  
Sheik: My fault.(?)  
  
Link: YUP! It was YOU who put so much soap in the washer!  
  
Sheik: But YOU'RE the one who wanted to stuff the machine beyond capacity!  
  
Link: Hmmph!  
  
Sheik: (rolls eyes) I still say that I'll put the clothes in the dryer and you find a way to remove the water.  
  
Link: NO!  
  
Sheik: FINE! How about YOU find a way to remove the water and I'LL put the clothes in the dryer?  
  
Link: (thinking. Ha! Can he do that?) Mehhhh, okay!  
  
Sheik: {Sheik: 20,439...Link: Zip}  
  
Link: Wait...what?!  
  
end chap 8

I spent 2 days trying to write this chapter and it was worth it. If you don't understand why Sheik would tell Link to put on his tunic in shallow water, it's because Link's an idiot.  
  
God, you should SO know that by now.  
  
Hmm, do you find the washing machine bit more entertaining than the microwave?  
  
And about the Yu-Gi-Oh thing, there's also the YGO manga and "Joey Wheeler" is Jounochi (however the hell you spell it) and "Tristan" is Honda and "Tea's" manga identity is Anzu Mazaki.  
  
Very, VERY good manga. Tops the show by a bajillion!  
  
And that joke Sheik made when he was like "You don't know WHO that finger's been". Ohhh MAN that was a good one...  
  
Hmm...Oh yeah, "Fo rizzle" is "Izzinese" for "For real". Ha. It's not hard to speak it. Just put an izzle/eezy/izz-eye/etc. sound before the first vowel sound in the word. There are exceptions but speaking it perfectly comes with practice. Or prizzactice/preezy. 


End file.
